on goals
you can have a growth mindset and also be nice to yourself
For the last several years, winter has been a season of reflection & intention setting. I find I enjoy slowing down, savoring the opportunity to look back at what I have accomplished with gratitude, and look forward to what comes next.
Life is too short to be boring or bored. But if I don’t focus myself, I get overwhelmed by all the things I want to do. I end up with unsettled vague ideas of what I want to achieve - read more! write more! be better! - that don’t align with reality. To prevent this malaise, I have cobbled together an annual goal setting & reflection practice, where “goals” are framed as actions that work towards the most authentic version of myself.
Admittedly, it feels kind of gross to think about goals with what is happening in the world right now. I wondered if writing about this would read as tone-deaf. But my goal setting practice allows me to combat despair and grow as a person by prioritizing joy and self-knowledge, sustainably. I am hopeful that in sharing this, someone else may find that same comfort.
So as I reflect 2023 and begin to dream about 2024, here is what has been most helpful to me in establishing goals & following through with them in a way that makes me feel good:
goals = what is important to you right now
Before writing specific goals, think of “themes” or “buckets”, or areas of your life that matter most to you. Taking this first step ensures that your goals align with your priorities in life - whatever those look like for you.
My themes usually involve travel/adventure, loved ones, reading, writing, running/physical activity, and finances. Some themes have multiple goals underneath them, and some only have one. It varies each year. Sometimes I end up with too many themes, and I have to scale back. I recommend playing around with this; figuring out what’s important to you, and what makes sense to focus on next year.
use the SMART framework (or something similar)
I know, it’s so corporate-cringe, bleh, but, hear me out: if you are forced to apply these kinds of rubrics at a job, you may as well take what works and apply it to your real life. Make it specific, realistically achievable with your current lifestyle, and give yourself a deadline - there’s no such thing as too small when it comes to goals.
Here are some of mine from this year. I tried to make them as specific as possible, with a deadline of 12/31/2023:
Read at least 55 books
Surf the Pacific Ocean on Washington’s coast
Run a 30km trail race
Take 1 writing class
Launch & sustain a newsletter (hi!)
Take a Midwestern summer family vacation
See a live show in New York City
write them down and keep them in an easily visible place
I buy a hardback planner from Wit & Delight each year and write my goals on the front page in my favorite color Stablio .88 felt fineliners. When I finish them, I cross them off with a sparkly gel pen. This way, my goals are regularly accessible and nice to look at, therefore way less scary to contemplate.
schedule regular goal + self check-ins
Set up a regular recurring calendar invite to check in with yourself on your goals and - this is important - make adjustments if needed. I think an hour every few months is more than enough, but go with what you feel.
What small steps can you take to make progress? How are you feeling with your current mental/workload? Do you need to take a step back in some areas? Did you end up finishing a goal earlier than expected, and want to do something wild?
Creating intentional space to reflect throughout the year helps keep my goals front of mind, and meet myself where I am at.
if it’s not working, try something different
As a recovering perfectionist, I try and adjust my process each year to ensure I am not using goals to set myself up to fail. I used to think if I didn’t do something, it was because I sucked as a person. So not true! Being willing to prioritize/deprioritize as things come up is a crucial skill. Sometimes you take the L, and realize it was actually all about the friends you made along the way.
even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars
I always learn something about the goals I never started or accomplished, even if it’s just that my priorities changed over the last year.
And for the ones I cross off my list, I get to marvel at my own strength and resilience.
good things on the internet
Wikipedia has (actual) swag 🌍
Climate crisis at the Eras Tour - what does Taylor Swift owe the planet? 🥵
Why millennials (myself included) can’t quit American Girls 🪆
This Tiktok describes my thoughts on national Democratic messaging exactly 🇺🇸
currently reading
The Ghost of the Bride of the Steppe by Zhanar Irgebay in Talk Vomit: “Every howl, every whistle of the wind, will be attributed to the cries of a young girl whose story was so distorted that even her name is impermanent. Some called her “Shaizada,” others “Sholpan.” Only a few remembered her real name, Shirin.”
Greece Lonely Planet travel guide: My favorite part of planning a trip is buying the Lonely Planet guidebook and dog-earring pages for places that sound unmissable. Send me your Greece recommendations please!
Farina, Farina by Rebecca Tiger in Dorothy Parker’s Ashes: “Maison Bourbon in New Orleans, 1992. I was new. Farina, the seasoned cocktail waitress, taught me how to flirt for tips, spill drinks on asshole customers, divert the advances of our troll-like manager without getting fired, and escape out the back if cops raided the place. I lasted four months. She might still be there.”
this week’s jam
photo of my cats
🍉 Free Palestine 🍉