“I love my country, consequently, I want that country to be worth loving”
on the idea of a country & it's worthiness of affection
America’s first women soldiers were WWI telephone operators. As part of the U.S. Army’s Signal Corps, the “Hello Girls” connected calls from the frontlines in France far more efficiently than their male counterparts. Some, like Merle Egan Anderson (our titular protagonist), stayed on after the armistice, running the switchboard at Versailles as the allied forces brokered peace.
“The men were initially hostile: “‘Where’s my skirt?’ was their standard greeting. . . . [After] I reminded them that any soldier could carry a gun but the safety of a whole division might depend on the switchboard one of them was operating I had no more trouble.”” - Merle Egan Anderson
Honorably discharged with special commendations from army leadership, Merle & her fellow servicewomen were shocked to return home and find they were considered “civilians.” This failure to recognize their enlistment went beyond a bruised sense of pride and patriotism; it barred these brave women from accessing veteran benefits.
Merle spent the vast remainder of her life leading the charge for recognition. Congress finally passed an act acknowledging their veteran status in 1977. By the time their benefits were processed in 1979, only 18 of the 223 women who had served in the Signal Corp were still alive. Merle was one of them. She enjoyed 7 years of resting on her laurels until passing away in 1986, at age 91.
Today’s title comes from a letter Merle wrote to another former operator, regarding the question of why she was still fighting for veteran status in her 80s. “My reason may sound queer, but, I love my country, consequently, I want that country to be worth loving.”
I once loved my country; before I learned real history, when I took America at face value, staring up at the elementary school classroom civics posters with pride. Even after I learned about the horrors of indigenous genocide and slavery and Jim Crow (etc, the US has many skeletons), I maintained a sort of patriotism into young adulthood that feels completely foreign to my present self. We had a black president! We elected him twice! West Wing was prestige television! I was convinced only a woman president could follow; and maybe, a few decades down the line, a gay president. Progressivism could only trend up - or so I thought.
I still want those core democratic values from grade school to be real & accessible for everyone in my country. I want the Bill of Rights and the Constitution to work as well in practice as they do in theory. I want to live in a true, functional democracy. I know others want this, too; this ideal American democracy that doesn’t exist right now - has never existed, actually, in that there has never been true liberty and justice for all. Is that America worthy of love? I know, we know, that Trump & Musk’s fascist vision for America is not worthy of love - but how much of “my country” in this moment exists beyond that vision? If I do not - cannot - love the country fully in reality, can I love what it could be? Is the potential worthy enough?
I have been asking myself these questions for weeks and still don’t have an answer. Some days, I want America to be its best self, to be worthy of love, as Merle wanted. Other days, the thought of loving America feels vile.
Merle was thanklessly screwed over for years by the government she served, and somehow found it in her heart to love America. That kind of love feels radical; and though it took far too long, that love eventually affected positive change. If nothing else, I want to believe in that.
good things on the internet
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
currently reading
In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler's Berlin by Erik Larsen: From the author of one of my favorite non-fiction books (The Devil in the White City) comes a tale of FDR’s first ambassador to Germany & his family. Larsen’s descriptive writing and varied vocab makes up for the slow pace. Not to say 1933 Berlin sounds a lot like 2025 America, but…
The rise of end times fascism by Naomi Klein and Astra Taylor (The Guardian):
“In this moment, when end times fascism is waging war on every front, new alliances are essential. But instead of asking: “Do we all share the same worldview?” Adrienne urges us to ask: “Is your heart beating and do you plan to live? Then come this way and we will figure out the rest on the other side.””
this week’s jam
photo of my cats
I always go to one of my favorite quotes from Gandalf, especially during times like this:
"Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love."
Love and hope are intertwined. Sometimes, we love for what was or for what could be, not for what is.