"Make people FEEL! FEEL! Feel!"

an untitled poem from the archives

Jan 21, 2025

For those looking for a way to help those impacted by the Los Angeles wildfires, here are links to lists of GoFundMes for displaced families of color:

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Octavia Butler makes the point that people will remember how you made them feel. 
I wonder how true that is when I can barely feel myself.

They say its an affliction called psychic numbing, but here’s the thing: there’s nothing psychological about it. 
I tried to logic my way out. I tried to force the feelings. The body keeps the score, it doesn’t need my permission.

And what do you say, when you can’t feel anything,
to someone who asks how you feel?
You cannot say, I do not.
You must say:
Fine.
Good.
Okay.
You can’t say what you mean,
and you don’t mean what you say.
Derrida was right, we can only talk about talking about.

There is a sea wall inside of me, I told a friend the other day, and the water has risen to the top. Sometimes it sloshes over and moves me, rocking the boat, but only a little at a time. 

I await for the big release - 
so I can cry out the 95% of my body that is water, drain the monster behind the wall, 
take to bed for a month like a sickly Edwardian landlady resigned to the asylum, and then

maybe I could feel something, and then
maybe I could make you feel something too.